


Keep Calm and Medic On: a love letter to Sakura

by Emmy1021



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Good Akatsuki (Naruto), M/M, No Uchiha Massacre, Smut adjacent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28842657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmy1021/pseuds/Emmy1021
Summary: Sakura is just doing her job as the personal medic for the Akatsuki mercenary group.  Sasori just wants everyone to die so they stop taking up so much of his wife's attention and breathing space.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Sasori, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 141





	Keep Calm and Medic On: a love letter to Sakura

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Sasosaku discord group; you guys are hilarious and make me actually wanna write.
> 
> So this is a universe where the Akatsuki are just a mercenary group sanctioned by the kages of each village. They take out the trash, the villages pay them, no one important dies. Sasori and sakura have been married for 3 years, shes 23 and hes 25. They met at the chuunin exams and I'd like to say it was love at first sight but it was more of love at sasori seeing sakura punt a 6 year old and sakura being creeped out by the suna boy stalking her. Circumstances keep pushing them together (coughtsunadechiyocough), they fall in love for reals, making poisons together and just being really mean and shitty teenagers. Sakura, sasuke, and naruto grow up as best friends forever turned surrogate siblings. Established SasuNaru which makes sakura both happy for her friends and also want to vomit because its like watching your brothers makeout with each other. Kakashi still gets obito's eye, obito still gets crushed but he lives through the power of BECAUSE I SAID SO. Obito, married to Rin. Kakashi, not married but a very tired dad trying to keep three gremlin genin's from blowing themselves up. Is he hooking up with Iruka? maybe. Kakashis dad still kills himself cause he needs some angst to function.
> 
> Sasori just shows up in Tsunades office with the marriage certificate: ive come to purchase your finest apprentice   
> Sakura, standing there not even bothered: yeah sure   
> Kakashi: *chidori*

Stepping into the clearing, Sakura took in the nine figures gathered there, each wearing the signature black and red clouds that marked them as Akatsuki. Itachi was the first to notice her and he straightened from where he had been leaning against a boulder next to his blue partner. Sakura made her way over to them as the others began to call out greetings.

“Sakura-chan!” That was Tobi who was suddenly sweeping her into a hug, raising her completely off the ground and spinning her around. She laughed breathlessly as he finally set her back down. “Tobi missed you so much!”

“You just saw me a few weeks ago, silly!” Tobi gave a huff and crossed his arms, responding in a pouting tone that it had been “way too long, Sakura-chan!” Sakura laughed again, shaking her head, before turning to face Itachi as he stepped up to her side.

“Tachi-chan~” she sing songed, throwing her arms around his middle and smushing herself to his chest, his hair tickling her face. He chuckled and wrapped her in a warm hug, the way he always had ever since she was just a tiny Sakura-chan who was inseparable from his little Sasuke. She, Naruto and Sasuke had spent thousands of afternoons playing at the Uchiha Compound over the years, with Sakura and Naruto becoming somewhat of honorary family members. Her heart brothers came into her life at the tender age of 4 and never left, much to her delight. Even Fugaku had warmed up to them eventually, even if his version of warm was the occasional sentence and if she was lucky, a smile. He had even pat her head once, which is a memory she’ll cherish forever. Oh to be young again, she thought.

Stepping away from Itachi, she called out to the others with an enthusiastic “I brought treats!” A round of cheers answered her, followed by Hidan’s unmistakable “fuck yeah bitch!’ 

Before she could be swarmed, she held up a glowing green hand. “Physicals first, then treats,” she stated firmly, followed by loud groans. Looking around, she realized the ketchup and mustard duo was absent, something she should have noticed right away seeing as she wasn't immediately grabbed by chakra strings when she entered the clearing. Turning to Itachi, “Where is my pouty little puppet boy and his menace of a best friend?”

“They sent word that they would be running late, something about their current target being more troublesome than expected,” Itachi answered and Sakura frowned with worry. “Nothing to fret over though, Sakura-chan, you know those two always like to make a dramatic entrance,” he finished with a smirk.

She snorted and gave Itachi a wry grin, shaking her head. She spent a lot of her time being anxious over reckless men in her life, but she trusted her husband to know what he was doing and come out on top, as he always did.

“Alright, who's first?”

* * *

Finishing up her physicals with Nagato, who always took the longest because he was a hypochondriac and was worried about every sneeze hes ever had in his entire life, she let out a sigh of a job well done. She wasn't called the best medic in the world for nothing, there was a reason that the strongest mercenary group in the world had her on retainer and it had little to do with her husband being one of the members, though that was admittingly a plus. Being one of the only medics allowed to actively work with and heal the sharingan, she was the only person skilled enough to heal the damage caused by its overuse. She thought fondly of her silvered haired sensei and his endless patience with her while she had spent the better part of a year completely mapping out his borrowed eye. She could have done it with Sasuke, but with Sasuke came Naruto and Naruto would not have had the patience needed for the delicate work, regardless of how much she loved him.

Instead, she roped Kakashi-sensei and by extension, Obito-sensei into being her research rats. It was a year well spent, and her report revolutionized how the sharingan and other doujutsu were cared for, preventing and even regressing the known eye disease and decay that came with prolonged use. Itachi had had the worst case of decay she had ever seen, but through a series of healing sessions she finally got his eyes back to their original state, and he was no longer in danger of going blind.

Lost in thought, she missed the appearance of her red headed puppet boy and her only warning before being swept off her feet was a very familiar snort of derision. “If I was an enemy, you'd be dead little girl.”

Squealing and not bothered in the slightest by the insult, she threw her arms around him as he cradled her close to his body. “Sasori! You and I both know you're a sneaky little puppet boy who can sneak up on whoever he wants.” She laughed, pressing a kiss to his soft lips and basking in the glow of once again having her husband in her arms. He made a non committal hum as he eagerly returned her kiss, not at all bothered by the audience. Embarrassment was for men ashamed of their wives, and he was very much not ashamed of his tiny, deadly wife. Even if she chose to spend her precious time ‘helping others,’ which he found to be a huge waste of time and energy that could be better spent on more worthwhile endeavors, i.e. kissing him. Or creating new and deadlier poisons. Or working on her pathetic attempts at art that he kept repeating she needed to ‘ _ practice little girl _ ’. To which she always responds with ‘ _ I’m a little busy revolutionizing medicine at the moment, you can teach me to draw pretty pictures when we retire’ _ .

From behind him, he hears a deliberate cough followed by “I’m here too Sakura-chan, yeah.” Sasori has never hated his partner so much in his life as he does that second when Sakura pulls away from him. He should have left Deidara tied to that swing where he found him, he thinks viciously. Sakura, damn her and her social ‘politeness’, returns Deidara’s greeting before proceeding to  _ give him a physical  _ and Sasori is left standing there, wife-less once again. He would love nothing more than for all these cretins to die a slow death and stop taking up so much of his wife's time and breathing room. Starting with all the blonds in her life; his pathetic partner, then perhaps the loud mouthed village idiot she calls her ‘hearts brother’ (and the Uchiha brat too), then the screaming banshee she calls her best friend. 

Lost in his fantasies of murder, he missed Sakura returning to his side and giving him a vicous poke in the one spot she knows is ticklish. It takes everything in him not to flinch, but he manages even as she pouts at him. “Ne ne husband, if I were an enemy,  _ you'd be dead.”  _

Returning her pout with a sneer, he glanced around the clearing. “Are you quite finished putting band-aids on these overgrown children or should I come back later after you've given out the stickers?” A testament to how much she missed him, she didn’t raise to the bait as he expected and instead leaned in to kiss him again. 

Just as he was beginning to properly return her kiss, she pulled away from him with an evil grin and a loud, cheery voice. “Tobi-chan~, Sasori has a present for you~” The last thing he saw before he had to devote all his focus to fending off the orange masked idiot was Sakura’s slightly unhinged grin.  _ ‘Well played little girl.’ _

* * *

The group slowly dismissed as the day went on, leaving only a few Akatsuki. Kisame, she noticed, was very much enjoying the sake she had brought him and didn’t seem to be in a big hurry to go anywhere. He sat on the ground beside Itachi, happily telling them about their latest contract, a bid from the Mizukage to take care of a group of missing nin that had been destroying supply boats off the coast. Sakura sat across from him and Itachi, Sasori was a line of warmth against her side after finally forgiving her for her earlier Tobi stunt. She had his hand in her lap, gently tracing over his fingers and caressing the edge of his wedding ring, laughing along with Kisame as he detailed the ‘mission from hell’. Itachi was content to sit and eat the dango she had brought for him, along with the packed bento box of sweet treats sent by his mother, nodding along and occasionally chiming in to add details. Deidara completed their little circle, perched on a fallen log near Itachi, throwing his head back and laughing as Kisame got to the part where the leader of the missing nin had faked a heart attack in an attempt to get out of fighting them.

It was an hour later when Sasori’s patience had finally run out, and he wanted his wife, alone, with no annoying teammates pestering her. He opened his mouth to demand they leave when Sakura jumped up. “Itachi, I almost forgot!” Pulling a sealing scroll out of her medic bag, she unsealed a few items. 

“Shisui sent this for you,” handing him what looked to be a 10 page hand written letter that included drawings and photographs. Sakura may or may not have accidentally read some of it, it gets very sappy near page 8. “You may want to visit soon, he misses you and Sasuke can only distract him for so long before he starts getting stabby.”

Itachi chuckled, his eyes soft as he gazed at the letter, a small smile on his lips. “And for the icing on the cake,” Sakura whipped out a polaroid and handed it to Itachi, his eyes widening. “For the record, I asked Sasuke if he wanted me to tell you anything when I saw you and he responded with “hn'' which I can only imagine means ‘I miss you aniki, please write to me because I’m a moody little porcupine boy who won't write first.’” Sasori snorted at his wife's impersonation of her emotionally stunted teammate. “Naruto said to tell you ‘you gotta come home early for our wedding, dattebayo! Sasuke wants you as his best man but he's too shy to ask you-’ and then Sasuke hit him and they dissolved into one of their classic fights-that-are-also-foreplay.” Sakura pointed to the picture, “Naruto gave me permission to give that to you, and Sasuke didn’t  _ immediately _ object so I took that as tacit permission.” He was also unconscious at the time, but details.

In the picture, Naruto is kissing Sasuke one the cheek, clearly a surprise spur of the moment thing and Sasuke's face is bright red like the tomatoes he loves so much, the freak. It took a lot to get Sasuke to blush like that, and Itachi fancied himself a connoisseur of Sasuke's different facial expressions, embarrassment being one of his favorites. Sakura knew he’d appreciate the pic as both black mail, and being a sappy loving older brother, ugh. 

“Thank you Sakura-chan. Please tell my foolish little brother that I will see him very soon, and that I'd be honored to be his best man.” Itachi graced her with his patented “Sasuke is stupid and I love him so much” smile, before ruffling her hair and turning away. He met Sasori’s glare head on as he walked by.

“Akasuna”

“Uchiha”

* * *

With just the three of them left, Sasori wanted Deidara gone immediately so that he could  _ properly _ greet his wife, preferably in a nearby Inn, preferably with her sitting on his face. Though he wasn't picky about location.

Deidara, the  _ fucker, _ knew it too, and was clearing gearing up to make this as painful as possible. What he failed to take into account was that it had been 3 months since Sakura had last seen her husband, and she was, how you say… ready to get dicked down.

Before the blond could even open his mouth, Sakura stabbed him in the neck with a syringe filled with a green liquid. To Sasori’s absolute delight, Deidara almost instantly went unconscious, falling to the ground below. “Needed to test out a new sedative I created, figured now was as good a time as any,” his wife cheerily informed him. Bending down, she flung Deidara up over her shoulder like he weighed nothing, and started heading into the woods.

“Come on my pouty little puppet boy, the nearest Inn is 15 minutes away. I needed you inside of me 5 hours ago, let's see some HUSTLE!”

As Sasori took off after his incredible wife, he couldn’t help but think that out of all the paths he could've taken in this life, this is by far the best one.


End file.
